Monthly Archives: November 2014

Expectation

Let your open heart & spontaneity create the magic of the moment

Let your open heart & spontaneity create the magic of the moment

Steve Jobs, in his Stanford Commencement Speech, spoke about looking back at his life and joining the dots. Reflecting on his journey and how things had lead to one thing and then another.

Without any idea how impactful any one single event maybe it was only in the fullness of time that he realised how powerful, significant and influential those single moments or events would be.

Very often we plan events and have an expectation of how they will turn out or how we will experience them.  This expectation can limit our experience.

In one sense, if we have negative expectations we can perceive something that does in fact have the potential to be very positive as something negative.  For example, the nerves people feel before they speak in public can often be enough to stop people getting up in front of an audience and presenting their ideas.  The negative expectation stifles the spontaneous creation of experiences that might otherwise arise from that event.  To understand that this fear response is completely natural may allow that person to step out in spite of the fear, share their concept and enjoy the process of expressing their authenticity and the audience’s responses to it.

On the other hand, the expectation of a huge event can mean we miss the subtle nuances that make up the larger part of any situation.  To have a fixed idea in your mind of how something will be, means you may deny what it is becoming as it spontaneously evolves.  You may miss the magic as it unfolds and walk away feeling deflated from an event that was spectacular- just not in the sense that you had anticipated.

So how do we get the balance of creating an event that has the potential for an incredible experience, yet not get caught up in what it might be or what we want it to be?  Or even more rigidly, what it must be?

We have all been involved in something about which we have had no expectation.  Very often we have a wonderful time because we enjoy it in the moment as it unfolds and we have no pre- judgement to compare it with.

We can create an event with the knowledge that it will be great without knowing how it will be great.  The right people, the right ambience and an openness to succeed and the event create itself.  Is that not how the best events often unfold?  It requires planning and detail, but also surrenders to the dynamic flow of the moment.  So we plan and trust.  Plan with an open agenda and trust with an open heart.  And all the elements of life will flow together to create magic.

You will have witnessed it and contributed to the magic.   That will feed you and others, strengthening the bond between you and your loved ones and the bond between you and life itself, offering you strength, support and power in the instant of the moment.

Life on Life’s Terms

Sometimes you lead, sometimes life leads- this is the balance to the dance of life

Sometimes you lead, sometimes life leads- this is the balance to the dance of life

Many of us wish to live life on our terms.  We like to feel we are in control and that we are calling the shots.  Life experience tells me this may not be the only way to live.  Like all things in life, nothing ever flows one way.  Even a river has sections where the water flows up- stream and eddies swirl.  Our relationship with life is a two- way process.  It is not just about what you want, for there are terms and conditions to the life you have and the life you want.  In life, to have “X” you also have to have “Y”, the two go hand in hand.  It is the law of balance.  It is the law of the universe.

You start by stating your intention, and then the universe starts to work to make that intention a reality.  So what does that actually mean?

Well, experience tells me that growth is required. If you are to enter this new phase in your life you have to grow to allow it to happen.  If you want to earn more money, you have to grow to be able to earn that money.  If you want to attract different people into your life you have to grow and explore new areas of life and yourself.  Then the choice is back to you.  Will you grow in that direction?  Will you face the challenge?  If so the balance equation begins to shift and the balance in your life changes.

Life’s demands mean that you live on life’s terms, which has always been the way.  Life on your terms gives the illusion of security and certainty.  Life on life’s terms gives the impression that you are not in control.  I would say that both views are an illusion.  In truth it is a dance.  You and life choreograph the life dance together and so you must learn to trust.

You must trust yourself for there are times when you must lead.  And you must learn to trust life, for sometimes life will lead and you must trust that life has your best interests at heart.  Otherwise you will resist and the dance becomes a tense and stressful thing.

We all go through periods when we struggle to trust.  You feel alone and isolated which is a separation you have created.  You have stepped away from life.  Life continues to dance with or without its partner, tempting you in, encouraging you to step back in and embrace the most beautiful dance partner you could possibly imagine.  So dance with life, my friend, enjoy its beauty and flow and challenging steps.

And when your trust is complete you will know that there is a support network around you to guide and protect you, just like the bird that trusts there will be air beneath its wing or the new born trusts there will be milk from its mother.  The universe will provide all that you need, just not necessarily what you were expecting…… but that is a whole other topic!

Enjoy the little things

Enjoy_the_little_things_photoI watched a movie the other day set in England during World War 2. Two men are discussing the possible outcomes of the war when one of them says “no matter how long it lasts nothing will ever be the same again. We will be changed forever because of this war.”

Now don’t worry, I am not going to go on about war and it’s horrors, though there is no doubt the outcome of war changes our lives beyond measure.

I am looking at a broader perspective. I am asking “How do the moments of life change us and help us experience and grow?”  Reflection and contemplation are the keys I believe. To allow an event into our being so that it effects us. Through interacting with the original event we transform the energy into something new and in turn we are transformed.

This is the nature of growth and evolution. Every movie I watch, each conversation I have I try to take something away that I can work with and transform that idea into something new and in turn growing myself, transforming my thoughts and energy to create a new self- slightly wiser and more experienced than before.

What a gift to be able to give yourself and what a way to be able to be thankful for all the little moments in your life that might otherwise pass you by.

Miss Stress Ball

Miss Stress Ball

Miss Stress Ball

The My Story series continues with number three in the series, “Miss Stress Ball”.

 

I was a very quiet shy child. Life taught me to keep my mouth shut and keep a low profile. I was born in a time when you did not answer your elders and betters back. If you had an opinion you were to keep it to yourself as no one wanted to hear it from a child or teenager. That did not suit me as I was always a deeply thinking person.

Teachers

I am of mixed race and was born in the 50’s in London, Great Britain. Being mixed race was not an easy thing at that time. At school many of my teachers left me in no doubt that they did not want me in their class on the basis of my colour. Not all teachers where like that, I did have many kinds and lovely people who were my teachers and mentors along the way. However, the first teacher that made it clear to me that I was not wanted as a pupil by her was when I was five and first entered school. She made me cry most days until my mother had enough and went to the school and gave her what for. I remember hearing my mother say to the teacher if my daughter comes home one more day crying because of you, then you will go home crying. My mother was a tough woman.

Unkindness

Some of the children were unkind also and most would not play with me and did not include me. The boy next door threw a stone at me as I passed his house one day on the basis of my colour and called me all sorts of unkind names. The children who played in my street one day would not let me join in their game and said I t was because I was dirty. When I looked at my dress and hands, I showed the children and said no look I am clean. They replied with you are black and not white and you are dirty.

My Stresses

These were my personal early stresses in life. Times have got somewhat better with such things. Many people do try hard to be tolerant to all races now. Not everyone has this inclusive mind set even today. Life can be hard and cause us all sorts of stresses. Many of those stresses can start very early in our lives. As a hypnotherapist I know that most people when they come to me for help have had some sort of trauma/traumas at some point in their life. Stress always has a root.

I continued to gather stress as I went through life and as life dealt me many difficult situations to deal with. I had good ones too, but stress builds up in the body as negative energy and has to be removed. The body will accommodate an amount of it but when the sub-conscious mind and body becomes over loaded the person will break down in some way. It could be physical, emotional or even mental.

A Broken Body

My body broke down eventually and I fell into ill health, with M.E. The signs of stress were there in my life in my thirties and my friends joked and called me miss stress ball. I was a person who just would not give in to life and would just fight through the worst of it.

Everyone has a story and reasons why they become stressed. Life is stressful for all sorts of reasons. Stress must be dealt with and we all need to be mindful that we are impactful on each other in the things we do and say to each other. Why add stress to another person’s life. Life itself gives each of us enough of it.

Dealing with stress

I have dealt with my stress and ill health and the two things that help me the most are meditation and Reiki. I use both of those things to keep my stress in check. So effective have they been in my life that I teach these techniques to people when they need to manage stress in their lives in an effective way.  In the book “Nourish the Flame within” that I have written with David Brown I explore meditation and Reiki as means of combating stress.  If you would like to learn more about using Reiki and meditation to combat stress you can get a free e- book from our website or purchase a copy of our book “Nourish the Flame Within.”